Abserdism

So, I started a fight club with senior citizens. I beat the hell out of all of them last night. Now, I know what you're thinking; That's not fair, because they're old and frail and I'm young, but too bad! Those ladies knew what they were getting into.

I wish I was back at that Tiki bar on the nude beach where they except you when you're drunk and naked singing "Margaritaville" at the top of your lungs. Not like those uppity jerks at Wal-mart this morning.

The problem with my generation is, we didn't have any leaders. Noone to give us advice. All we had was this old guy who used to sit at the bus stop with no shirt on, drinking gin and complaining about the government. He used to tell me things like, "Pete, you can't keep a monkey in the fridgerator if you're gonna teach a horse to smoke cigarettes. I remember looking at him and saying, "Dad, what the hell does that mean"

Wanted to be the guy that was so cool, even the fish in my aquarium were wearing sunglasses.
I bought these tiny pairs of shades for them but they wouldn't stay on because fish have no ears. So, I taped them on, but now they just look like big balls of duct tape floating around with sunglasses on, and really ,there's nothing cool about THAT.

When the girl my friend set me up with turned out to be bat sh@# crazy, I called him and said, "Hey, I thought she was a nurse. You said she worked with Doctors. He said, "Yeah she worked with Doctors when she was in a mental hospital. They did all they could, but she's still f'n nuts. That's why I thought you two would make a good couple