Hello, class and welcome to Hacky Sitcom Writing 101. I'm about to give you all
the characters you will need to churn out predictable, safe, and very lame
comedy shows on network Television, so pay attention;


"Uptight White Guy"

He's usually the main protagonist. People are always telling him to loosen up and enjoy himself, but commitments to his work and his moral compass keep him from doing what he really wants to.


"Urban, Fast Talking Black Guy"

He's uptight white guy's friend/co-worker who is always rattling off advice in
the form of comic catch phrases and homegrown street wisdom.
There is no real reason that these two would be friends in real life,
but we've found that predominantly white audiences love this character because
he is a non threatening African American presence.

"Sassy Black Lady"

Kind of a female version of "Urban Black guy" , but her advice has more weight to it since she's a lived longer and benefited from the perspective of a person that made it out of the ghetto, yet still relates everyday life to the lessons she learned there. Her advice will always start with the words, "Child, where I grew up, blabedy bla......"-- whatever. Doesn't matter. Now, you generally can have either "black guy" or "black lady" but not both in the same show UNLESS they are dating or related because the racist network feels that all black people know each other in some way.


"Foreign Man"

This one talks with a very peculiar accent that viewers are expected to find endearing, especially when he spouts outdated American catch phrases like "You go, girl!" and "Get Jiggy with It" His awkward attempts to understand our country's customs will make them roll in the isles.

"Bawdy Grandma"

This cliche goldmine of a character talks about sex and you're supposed to think that's hilarious because...ya know....she's old and old people don't do that! SIDE SPLITTING!


"Gay Guy"

Now as you may know everything is exaggerated on TV because the Network thinks people are either stupid or not paying attention, or both, and for the most they're right, which explains why homosexuals can never be just average people. They have to be loud and flamboyant Liberace types that enter a room with a sing songish "HEEEEELLLO!" They're very opinionated and don't mind dispensing that opinion when it comes to fashion or decorating. And, as if some explanation to their sexual preference were at all neccesary, they will inform you anyway ,with some kind of cutesy line that begins with, "Honey I'm gay, and blabedy bla......" whatever. Doesn't matter. This always tricks the Gay and Lesbian Coalition into NOT complaining about
stereotypical representation because they feel at least they have been included. Same with the black activist group's reaction to the seeing our african american characters speaking "Urban Slang" written by our very white writers. They're just glad we've included them. What both organizations don't realize, is, what we've made them a part of, is a gross generalization created for the purpose of mocking their individual cultures and by doing so, getting big big laughs!


Now start with those characters and if you get stuck, feel free to fill in the rest with minor re-occurring characters that require little explanation like, "Wacky Neighbor", "Slutty Girl" and "Curmudgeonly Boss". Remember, the viewers don't want to think, it doesn't have to be the least bit realistic, and any problems must be resolved by the end of the show, because, this is fantasy.

Ok, get to work. I'll give you 30 minutes and I bet you can come up with a Sitcom worthy of a slot on Prime Time Television! It's just that easy!